IS YOUR ADULT CHILD ESTRANGED OR JUST STRANGE?

August 25, 2012

When Rudeness Turns into Parental Abuse

Make sure your family understands your Health Care Proxy instructions as to who will make decisions and when. Things went from bad to worse. I had to go to the case worker and ask for an intervention. My son was using the telephone to harass me. If I hung up on him then I was called childish etc. So I simply stopped answering the phone.

By the third day in rehab I was being pressed by my son to get out of the place. He said I didn't belong there. The day before he had told me to make a list of things I needed and he would bring them to me. Then my son determined I did not have migraine associated vertigo but a virus. Since my grandchild was better I should be better. He told me I just wanted to stay in the Rehab center and have someone take care of me.

At this time I was still unstable and using a walker to get around. I told my son that I needed to be able to maneuver around two airports and on a plane. Then I needed to make arrangements for my brother and a friend to get me and my car home safely.

When my son couldn't convince me to check myself out a week early, he started to call the case manager repeatedly and demanded I be discharged. He demanded documentation as to why I was still in the rehab center.

About four years ago I had a Medical Power of Attorney done and made this son my health care proxy to make medical decisions on my behalf if I were unable to do so. At the time I questioned my son about our differences in life style and how we view chronic illnesses and diseases and the treatments. His opposition to narcotic pain meds etc. He assured me that he would not go against my wishes. "He knew where I stood" and would endeavor to make decisions like I would. Before this turmoil was over he requested his name be removed from the Medical Power of Attorney. I quickly agreed. I learned that when it comes to Medical decisions about care and treatments only the attending physician can invoke a Health Care Proxy. Otherwise care and treatment options are between the Physician and Patient. When the Rehab center invoked the HIPPA Act for me my son really got pissed off. I have yet to figure out what the real issue was about.

Initially my son was going to cover the cost of a new plane ticket. In addition, I depended on him to take me to the airport. It was pretty awful and sad at the same time to hear my almost forty year old son have a meltdown in the form of a temper tantrum. He told me not to ask for any more money and to find my own way to the airport. It didn't end there. My clothes and suitcases were going to be put out on the street corner. I called him a jerk (I was being nice). I also gave him a wake-up call that his behavior and treatment of me could be construed as elder abuse. He told me that he knows what abuse is for his job and that he was not abusing me. Talk about denial, denial, denial. I grieve for this child of mine who has become a complete stranger to me. On the other hand I'm so angry that if he was other than my child I would never speak to him again.

I had already been in touch with my younger son. He was very concerned about both of us. He feels his brother needs professional help. He told me he would make sure I got home safely and let him know an address to wire money to if I needed it. I was able to borrow a lap top from the Rehab center to use in my room so i could research different flights and costs. I contacted my Credit Union and I was able to get an increase in my credit limit to cover travel expenses home. Next I contacted my brother about picking me up at the airport. I also contacted my parish nurse to get a shower chair and a walker to use at home. She also contacted a church member to put a railing up in my stairwell to get to my bedroom.

All my clothes were dropped off at the Rehab Center without notification from my son on his way to a family camping trip. He never came into see me. On Monday when he returned he called. I told him I could not get a flight home until Wednesday afternoon but was to be discharged on Tuesday. My son told me I could not stay at his house with a cane. HE did agree to take me to the airport as long as we did not discuss anything about our "rift" in front of my granddaughter. The Rehab Center said my insurance would cover another day in Rehab. I just wanted to get home. The relaxing week spent at the beach being with my granddaughter came completely undone by my son's over the top treatment of me. As a result I felt like ground up hamburger. I am actually writing this in the middle of October and he has yet to apologize to me.

SIERNS AND THE ER

August 13, 2012

The morning of my scheduled 2 PM flight home I awoke vomiting and dizziness at 7 am. By 1 pm my son was taking me to the doctors since I was getting dehydrated and could not stop vomiting. He also cancelled my flight. Next thing I remember was a ride in an ambulance and getting stuck with IV's as we raced to the emergency room at a very popular beach resort. In the ER I noticed all the hospital gurneys around the nurses' station where parking spaces were numbered. I was amazed since it was a Wednesday afternoon. I asked one of the nurses what was going on. His response was it is always this crazy.

About 10 pm I was admitted to the hospital. I had been administered anti-nausea and anti-vertigo medicine so I just slept the first 24 hours. It took a couple of days to get my appetite back. I was glad I did because the food tasted really good, especially the seafood. After being seen by three different doctors the diagnosis was vertigo. There are different types of vertigo. I have a vestibular neuritis. This is an inflammation of the inner ear. I also had a Migraine Associated Vertigo. Since I had not really had a migraine since I was divorced I asked why! I rarely get the "sick" headache where I need a cold cloth or low light level room. According to the ENT (ear, nose, throat) doctor even a history of migraines can be an under lying trigger. About 35% of migraine patients have some vestibular syndrome at one time or another.

Vestibular dysfunction and migraine headaches can be caused by the same environmental and food triggers, hormonal fluctuations and weather changes (biometric pressure) can exacerbate both conditions. Symptoms of vertigo that I experienced included dizziness involving room spinning, intolerance of movement around you (people, television) sensitivity to light and noise. I was in a room by myself across from the nurses' station. I was grateful for the earplugs someone brought. Medication controlled the nausea and vomiting.

Balance was a real issue so I had to use a walker. Another issue was brain fog. I was not having any headaches but my brain felt like it had blown up like a balloon.

My son brought me a lovely bouquet of flowers and my grandchild a sweet get well card. After three and ½ days in the hospital I was transferred to a rehab center. About this time my grandchild became ill with similar symptoms of nausea, vomiting, dizziness and sensitivity to light. My son decided that we both had the same thing----- a viral infection.

All I know was that it took me another 3-4 days before I could tolerate light or watch TV and not feel nauseous all the time. Plus I was at least 12 hours from home and my car was at my brother's house. Then I had another 2 ½ hour drive home.

I was treated well and worked hard in Physical Therapy because being couped up in a room 24 hours per day sucked. My bed was next to a window and I could see some grass and a pine tree. But there was no air conditioner in the room. My roommate was 97 years old and would talk your ear off. She had some deafness so she would blast the TV. The aids got her to turn it down. I quickly discovered she talked in her sleep. I lost one of the ear plugs during the transfer from the hospital. Rehab did not have any so I stuck the ear plug in one ear and my pillow in the other ear. My son brought me some clean clothes and my favorite grapes.

By the third day in rehab I was being pressed by my son to get out of the place. He said I didn't belong there. The day before he had told me to make a list of things I needed and he would bring them to me. Then my son determined I did not have migraine associated vertigo but a virus. Since my grandchild was better I should be better. He told me I just wanted to stay in the Rehab center and have someone take care of me.

A WEEK IN SAND AND SURF

August 1, 2012

I closed my eyes and let the back of the seat on the airplane start to absorb the stress of the last four months from hell! In a couple of days I'd be walking on the beach playing tag with the waves while my granddaughter scampered back and forth fearlessly grabbing shells and smooth colored stones. One evening we went to one of the nicest ocean beaches. I joined some other beach goers watching the seals swimming back and forth along the beach. Everyone would try to guess where they would pop up their heads next. I enjoyed watching some people as they ran up and down the beach trying to get a picture. It was so funny because they kept running over to the place where they last saw them. They didn't seem to get that the seals were constantly moving and swimming up the beach and then 10-15 minutes later swim back down the beach.

I got to watch my Granddaughter at her swim lessons as she discovered she could swim on her back the length of the pool. She was excited enough to put her face in the water and use her arms and legs and swim back. I think she was excited to have me there as well, and wanted to show me what a good little swimmer she has become at age four. She even leaped off the edge of the pool and discovered how much fun that was. Later we got some great pictures of her diving off the rocks into the lake.

There was a boat ride around the lake with family and friends and their new black lab puppy and a friend's dog. One of the dogs kept trying to bite the waves as we splashed into someone's wake. The week was finished off with one of the largest lobsters I have seen in a long time. It was fresh off a friends fishing boat. I had tried to approach the week one day at a time in hopes that there might be an opportunity for discussions as to what is really happening to cause this adult child to become so hostile towards me. But it did not prepare for what came at the end of my week of vacation when I was scheduled to leave.

ARRESTS AND WARRANTS

July 25 2012

I finished up the last of the paper work for the Civil Suit and took it to the Magistrate to get it notarized. I found out the arrest warrants were finally in progress. I also booked a flight to go visit one of my kids and my granddaughter at the beach. Meanwhile the evicted tenets had moved just two blocks away. They could actually look down and see my house and yard and see when I was gone. I could see their apartment from my front door. It was only a couple of weeks before the sister's car showed up at the apartment building. I knew that the free loaders were back into their apartment. Finally, after a call to the Magistrate the third week of July, my former tenets and a sister were arrested and booked into the regional jail. The female tenet had been on probation in another state so she had to go back to that state and serve time. As of August 27, 2012 she was still in jail in another state. I sighed a loooong sigh of relief when I learned of the arrests. I wish I could have been there and seen their faces. Knock, knock who's there –the big bad wolf the officer said.

COPS AND ROBBERS

June 7, 2012

I've been playing a hide and seek game with the tenets. They would tell me they would be out by Memorial Day. I watch and look and listen and saw little of any kind of activity related to moving-no boxes coming in. Each day was the same "we'll be out tomorrow". They waited until the afternoon of June 5^th, which was the last day they legally could be there before I call the sheriff to haul them and their stuff out. They refused my standard "exit review" of the premises. Then they waited a couple of days before they returned the keys (after I called them and asked them to also bring the extra rent for the now six days they had possession of the apartment. I got the key and no rent. They refused to pay it and all I got was a lot of yelling and cursing in my front yard. So now I am out six days of rent, court costs for the eviction, which the tenets are suppose to repay.

The place was left really dirty. Thank heavens I had a deposit because all $440 went to cleaning and repairs. This was a non-smoking apartment and the tenets, a sister and her boyfriend were smoking. I had an estimate to clean the living room, including the walls, carpeting, windows and blinds to be a smoke free place. The estimate was almost $400. This has not been done yet. I have to recover this plus rent and storage of items left behind. This has resulted in a Civil Law suit and another $100 in court fees. Who knows how much if any I will recover from the robbers and their families.

DID YOU RECOVER ANY OF THE STOLEN ITEMS?

May 10, 2012

This is the first question that people ask me. Where do you look to recover stolen gold jewelry from your family? Around here the following items are being stolen in this order: money, pain meds, gold jewelry and old coins. These items are small and easy to "Grab and Go". Gold jewelry will bring in the most money at $1,584 an ounce.

So you had your jewelry appraised which is great for insurance purposes but won't necessarily help find grandmother's gold necklaces.

Since you discovered the theft and called the police, start making your list of stolen items as you clean up and put things away. The list will be one of the first things the police will ask for, in addition to the list of any suspects.

Remember time is of the essence if you are going to recover any items. The thieves you are dealing with are most likely drug addicts and will have sold your stuff within 24 hours. Now make sure you let the police deal with the thieves. You can keep the police informed. However, you cannot threaten the thieves to have to repay you, at least not until they have been actually charged. Use your insurance company.

The store or shop that purchased your stolen items cannot return them directly to you. It is stolen goods and has to be turned over to the police. Even after the state trooper showed me the recovered jewelry, he has to keep it as evidence. They take pictures for your file.

You may want to look up stolen goods regulations for Licensing of Second Hand Precious Metals and Objects Dealers and Pawn Brokers. Most states have them. See a few links in May 1 2012 blog "So You Have Been Robbed, Now What?"

• Some states have stricter laws than others. A good example is Maryland: http://www.dllr.state.md.us/license/pm/pmadvisoryid.
  
• Some states require dealers to keep items for 24 hours to as long as 30 days. Best to Google your state plus regulations for licensing Second Hand Precious Metal and Objects Dealers.
  
• Remember the shops that buy gold and precious metals are in business to make money. So when they have x number of necklaces, they ship them to the smelter in batches.
  

Remember State Police and County or City sheriffs don't have time to go to all the places that buy gold jewelry. This is your chance to play detective.

• First check out all the places within five mile radius of your house. Begin with the jewelry and gift shops that have a sign in their window, "we buy gold". You will be shocked to see how many places do. Look at Pawn shops second unless you get a heads up about a place that gives good prices.
  
• You can call ahead but be prepared for a cool reception from some of them. A nice jewelry store does not want to get a reputation of dealing with drug dealers and addicts.
  
• You also need a case number from the investigating officer before they will talk to you. Get that as soon as possible.
  
• The most effective way is a face to face to present your list of stolen items plus descriptions, sizes, number of carat gold and any markings like engravings and list of suspects.
  
• Provide the dealer with a list of stolen items and possible suspects for them to keep. Also provide your own identification and contact phone number.
  

SO YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED, NOW WHAT

May 1, 2012
AFTERMATH OF THE ROBBERY
The aftermath has taken up a lot of time and energy. I have put these posts in a chronological order as I have been able to remember them rather as they have been happening. At first I was extremely angry that someone had broken into my home. Now I am just exhausted. Dealing with the aftermath is hard work. The state troopers are very busy because there are not enough of them. I learned that before you pursue a head hunting mission you will need a case number from the police officer who is investigating your case.
I started checking the pawn shops to see if they had received anything from my list. I had a substitute teaching job in another town. After work, I went to the pawn shops there without any luck. I was headed out of town when I saw a sidewalk sale for flowers. When I stopped I saw the sign in the window of a "Not New Shop" saying "Buying gold, and silver". I gave the owner my list. We started talking about my robbery. The owner suggested checking out a gift shop in a neighboring state about six miles from my house.
It took a couple of attempts to find the shop open as it was closed on the weekends. The owner took my list of items taken and my list of suspects and showed me that he follows state regulations for buying gold etc. The store pawn shop has to get a photo ID, record the type of item and description and weight of the gold. All of this goes into a computerized system or a "rapids system". The items are listed under the name of the person who sold the stuff and would be liable. About an hour after I visited the gift shop, the owner called and left a message that he found some of my stuff in his "rapids system". When I called him he advised me to contact my police officer ASAP and have him call the owner. I could not access the "Rapids System" myself. The state regulations fall under "The Secondhand Precious Metal Object Dealers and Pawnbrokers Act". Just a quick internet check and I found the following states have regulations for buying gold: Wisconsin, Oregon, California, Arizona, Florida, New York, and Connecticut. The regulations vary by state and even jurisdiction. Check these web sites for help: State of Washington; http://www.scribed.com/doc/49120787/Washington-Gold-Biometrics, Ohio; http://codes.Ohio.gov/orc/4728, Flordia; http://law.justia.com/codes/flordia/2005/titlexyylll/cho538
minneapolis: http://www.ci.minneapolis.mn.us/licensing/business-licensing-docs-precious-metal-dealer

How Did I come Up With My List of Suspects?
When the police officer first came out to investigate, my tenet "Jake" (not his real name) started acting really sketchy. e He came to the door for the key to finish mowing. After the officer left Jake wanted to know what the officer said and what was taken. The state trooper said "there was your suspect #1", along with his sister #2 who had been staying at the apartment. I had told Jake and his girlfriend "Emilie" (not her real name) when I was leaving to go out of town and when I was returning. Plus I told them who was watching the house and feeding the cat. There apartment was over my garage which is attached to my house.
While I was out of town I had called my pet sitter to mail me something I had forgotten. She told me the State Police had come to my house the evening on the day I left. "Emilie" (not her real name) was hauled out of my apartment in handcuffs. Suspect #3.
The sister had been staying in the apartment for extended periods after being evicted around Christmas. I'd learned a new term for living arrangements called "couch surfing". About a month later I almost tripped over the fourth person and also freeloading in the apartment. This was the boyfriend, suspect #4, of the sister.
My list of suspects included some prior tenets that had drug issues and/or poor life choices. Family members must not be ruled out. Fortunately the couple of family members with drug issues or prior arrests live far away. I also included a former "lawn-yard" kid who had stolen his mother's medications and sold pills at school. This resulted in a year's suspension. I do not have any sketchy neighbors that I know about. In most cases the robber who breaks into your home is someone you know.
It was about a week after the gift shop owner called me when the State Trooper came knocking at my door. He had a small brown paper bag in his hand. He removed the contents and there was my gold watch and chain and my mother's 1927 class ring which had been stolen. He said he was sorry but all the other items were gone to the smelter where they are melted down. I was glad to have something recovered but it made me sick to my stomach all over again because all the jewelry had been gifts from family who are all gone now.
The next thing the State Trooper showed me were some papers with pictures of photo ID's and a copy of checks and a picture of some coins. It did not surprise me at all to see that one was the tenet and the other was his sister. The trooper's next stop was "Jake's" place of work. Jake works for his father and grandfather in a family owned business.
Emilie's Excuse
Well "Emilie" thought she had an excuse having been taken to jail the day I left. But the evidence of when "Jake" sold the stuff was prior to her arrest.
Sounds like a happy ending. Robber caught, arrested and goes to jail. I wish. The State Trooper continued with his investigation with interviews of two tenants and two wanna-be tenets. He was trying to obtain a confession but all he was getting was finger pointing. So the case seems to be stuck someplace.

ROBBERY

April 26, 2012

I am back to blogging! I put off as long as possible doing my income taxes. I rushed them to the accountant the day before I left to visit family in New England. I got a call from the neighbor watching my house and feeding my cat telling me that the State Police had taken one of my tenants away in handcuffs the same day I left. When I arrived home a week later I saw that my home had been broken into. At first I did not notice as I was super tired and I thought the cat had gotten into things. I did notice a special ring was missing right away. The next day I found my jewelry in a mess. The linen closet had been raided. Someone was looking for drugs. The State Trooper came out and took pictures and assessed the situation. He told me to make a list of what jewelry was stolen. He came back and picked it up to send out to the pawn shops. There is a suspect. And yes it is someone I know. Today I am having Deadbolt locks put on all four doors. I was surprised to learn the insurance company will cover the cost. I found out that the few pieces of gold jewelry I had and was stolen were a lot more valuable than the $1,000 limit including the $250 deductable on my insurance company. I also had my mail box key taken as well. I had left it out for the pet sitter. So I had to pay to have the lock changed on my mailbox. There are more and more drugs in rural areas. Steeling gold jewelry is a fast way to get cash. I could recall all the pieces in detail because they were unusual plus I had some identification papers. Here are some suggestions to protect you.

• Pull out your insurance policy and look over your liability limits. Do you know the current cost per oz of gold? Might want to consider getting appraisals on your gold pieces. Than adjust your insurance liability limits. Check out what will be the increased cost to obtain the higher limit. Do you know your deductible?
  
• IF you do not have them - have deadbolts placed on your doors.
  
• Exterior motion detector lights are a good idea. I have them on the back side of the house but not on the front and sides.
  
• Make sure all your windows are locked when you leave. I believe the robber (s) gained access to the house via a credit card or picked the door lock in the garage door to the inside.
  
• You may think you have a good hiding place but the robber will know where it is. These people looked in every type of box in every room.
  
• Be careful of where you keep medications –including cold medications. The robbers made a mess of my linen closet looking for drugs as well. Basically they were after pain pills. Do as your pain management specialist says "buy a lockbox". I managed to pass basic robbery 101 and found a hiding place that worked. Depending on how observant they were they may or may not have figured out the kinds of meds I take. This has always been a worry.
  
• Purchase a handgun and get training to use it before you shoot yourself in the foot. This was my son's suggestion. I have to really think about this one.
  

  
   

BLUE ELEPHANT- RAYNAUDS

March 27, 2012

Yesterday was a rough pain day. Nothing would help. I was to start a Ti Ch Chi class and didn't know how I would manage. I decided I could at least listen to the instructions. It was a chilly but sunny afternoon. We were able to get in the first two basic steps. Since I had taken the class a year ago, I started to remember the steps. In doing a couple of the steps I was able to remove myself from the pain.

I am glad we had an early spring. Recently I had a birthday. I remember as a child looking at the calendar and seeing that March 21 was officially Spring. I always wanted a birthday party outside because it was "spring". Even in the Mid-Atlantic States it is still cold this time of year and often raw. This is the earliest spring I can remember. Even the lawnmowers are out. What a wonderful birthday gift. I have been discouraged with all the events that happened last fall. I have been having too many days lately where I barely had the energy to clean, run errands, combined with appointments and my part-time job. Ever since I was able to return to work I had this dream of rising above this life of poverty. So I am taking a closer look at my birthday gift. Every new leaf, each new flower or each new blade of green grass carries with it hopes of a new dream and new possibilities.

My struggles with Raynauds occurs most of the year. Winter time is especially hard as I watch my fingers turn white almost instantly. When I try to take something out of the fridge, like a bottle of water or cold glass, it feels like touching a hot pan and it burns. My fingers will turn white down to the knuckles. Raynauds interferes with being able to fix meals using food out of the Fridge because of the cold meat and dishes. Fixing a meal takes extra time. Even damp clothes out of the washer can cause an episode.

Raynauds can be better on a sunny day and worse on a cloudy day especially if it is chilly damp day. Sometimes I have to wear wool mittens inside and to bed because it can take up to 20 minutes for my fingers to return to normal. As they return to normal they will turn blue and then a bright red. It use to just be a nuisance. Now I take medication for it and it hardly helps at all. I do not like to use a stronger dose because one of the side effects is dizziness and the other constipation.

What Is Raynauds?

After an exposure to changes in cold or even hot temperatures an abnormal spasm of blood vessels causes a restricted blood supply to the local tissues of the fingers and toes. This results in the color change in the digits. After a prolonged lack of oxygen the fingers can turn blue. When the blood vessels open and blood returns the color is bright red. Raynauds can occur by itself as a primary disease or with other diseases as a secondary disease. By the time I had developed Raynauds I already had Sjogren's. Raynauds has a number of conditions associated with it including rheumatic diseases, lupus, and hormone imbalance, and nicotine.

What Causes Raynauds?

The causes are still unknown. However, the abnormal nerve controls of the blood vessel diameter and nerve sensitivity to cold are suspect as being contributing factors. The narrowing of the blood vessel is due to spasms of tiny muscles in the wall of the vessels.

Symptoms, Signs and Diagnoses of Raynauds

The symptoms of Raynauds depends upon the severity, frequency and duration of the blood vessel spasms. A mild case will present only skin discoloration under cold conditions. The person may also experience mild tingling and numbness of the digits. Once the color returns to normal the tingling will disappear. Sustained blood vessel spasms cause the sensory nerve to become irritated by the lack of oxygen and can cause pain in the fingers. In rare cases poor oxygen supply to the tissue can result in ulceration and even gangrene.

Other than the characteristic sequence of color changes in the skin, there are no blood tests to diagnose Raynauds. Capillary nail folds are frequently found. A doctor may request other blood tests to rule out other rheumatic disease.

There is research that reports finding a substantial genetic contribution both to the symptoms of Raynauds and the blood vessel changes.

Treatment for Raynauds

Treatment is more about management of Raynauds by protecting the fingers and toes from cold, trauma, and infection. Regardless of the severity, the prevention measures are the same. Warm clothing is essential. I have found that mittens work the best for me. You have to guard against direct trauma and wounds. Any wounds or infections need to be treated right away. Biofeedback is also recommended. I have not tried this. Tobacco smoke can cause blood-vessel constriction. Care for nails carefully. Nitroglycerin ointment can sometimes increase blood supply and heating when used along the sides of severely affected digits. I want to find out more about this.

Medications that Aggravate and Medications That Help

The symptoms of Raynauds can be aggravated by medications that can increase blood vessel spasm. These include cold and weight control medications including Actifed, CoTylenol and Sudafed. Medicines used for high blood pressure and heart disease can also worsen Raynaud's phenomenon.

I take a medicine that opens or dilates the blood vessels. These are called calcium channel blockers. I have taken both Cardizem and generic diltizem, Cardene or Procardia. There is a medication called Trental that makes the red blood cells more pliable and thus improving circulation. I have not taken this.

 

http://www.medicinenet.com/script

DIPPING BELOW THE POVERTY LINE

March 26, 2012

This past fall my long term house helper moved out of the garage studio. This was followed by over $1,000 worth of maintenance and unexpected repairs. Now instead of occasionally rolling over some end of the month bills into the first of the next month, I was doing it every month. Christmas came and went and still no one had moved into the studio. I was getting more mixed up trying to juggle my bills around so I couldn't remember what was due when.

The next sign I had that I was slipping below the "poverty line" was I didn't have enough money to buy food the last week of the month. Going to the market was making me sick to my stomach and I could no breathe. The third sign was the high cost of home heating oil. I have always been able to get my tank filled up in the fall. I used between 21/2 to 3 tanks of oil a year depending upon the weather. Most of the time, I had it paid off by the 1^st of July.

In addition I use 2-3 cords of wood a winter for a wood stove. However, I have always considered my primary source of heat as oil.

I thought I would be cautious and order only a minimum delivery of oil because of the high cost of heating oil. That bill was almost $500. Now why my monthly payment plan was set at $70 per month is an unanswered question. By the end of January I had gotten two more minimum deliveries. This lead to my heating crisis in February. See my blog, "Disabled Senior Denied Heating Assistance"

Now I cannot order any oil until the bill is paid off. The warm winter and early spring has been an unexpected blessing. I had applied for energy assistance. But my working 3 ½ days in January made me over income by $160. The income guidelines for most of these benefits for poor people vary from state to state based on the poverty guidelines. I would have been eligible in a bordering state based on "Poverty Guidelines" for that state. The cost of oil does not change. These income guidelines are based on percentages of the poverty threshold from 125% to 200%. There is a $500 difference in the poverty guidelines between my state and the one six miles down the road.

SURVIVING POVERTY BY GETTING CREATIVE

MARCH, 21, 2012.

In the past I rented rooms to people. I found there was a tremendous need for housing for single men who were blue-collar workers and often had child-support obligations. I knew what their income was and their child support obligations. Even in our small town, apartments were becoming out of reach for these men.

At that time I thought of myself as living at a "low income level". However, the years of not working due to illness was taking its toll. In order to keep my house, I had to take in strangers to share my kitchen, my family room and living room, and even my bathroom. I knew it was not easy for the people I took in. Usually they were just grateful to have a place to live in their own private clean room. Later I will share the story of an old guitar playing hippie who was an alcoholic. He ended up giving me more than he received.

As for myself, I had lived most of my years as a single parent on the "low income level". We had a garden until I got too ill to keep it up by myself. It was my first border who suggested turning the room over my garage into a living area with a private entrance. This would give me more privacy and protection, while having some help paying with the utilities and insurance. Plus, I would get help with the yard work and some house maintenance.

This worked most of the time for while. Because my "income" was so variable and hobbled together to include a small disability check, part-time work, and help with house expenses from the housemate. The disability check was the only reliable resource that I received each month. Then there were too many months where the disability check was all I had. Yes, I received food stamps and sometimes, energy assistance, but the regulations are actually be a trap which can keep you in property.

POVERTY WHAT DOES IT REALLY MEAN: Poverty Thresholds and Poverty Guidelines

March 19, 2012

Since my blog is about living with a disability and surviving poverty, I decided to find out what poverty really means and who decides the income guidelines for the various Federal and State programs for low income families. Anyone who receives energy assistance, food stamps (SNAP), lives in HUD or Section 8 housing or gets Medicaid are getting assistance for families/individuals who live in poverty. I qualified for some programs and not others.

There are a lot of regulations with these benefits. To add to the confusion, these regulations are overseen by primarily two agencies. Believe it or not, one of these is the U.S. Census Bureau. The second one is the Federal Health and Human Services. Every fall the Census Bureau issues a report on poverty in the U.S. This information is used for the "Poverty Threshold" which provides the statistics on the number of people who are poor. In addition, this statistical information is disturbed by age, race and family type. A lot of people view poverty as a statistic. The Federal Poverty threshold for 2012 is $11,170 per year for one person, $23,050 for a family of four etc. Try these links for more information http://aspe.hhs.gov/poverty/12poverty.shtml# guidelines or http://www.famliesusa.org

The official definition of poverty uses money income before taxes. It does not include capital gains, noncash benefits like public housing, Medicaid or food stamps.

It is the Federal Department of Health and Human Services that issues the Poverty Guidelines. They are issued each year. These Guidelines are a simplification of the poverty threshold and are used to determine financial eligibility for the above Federal programs. Poverty thresholds are a measure of need or the average dollar amount it takes to provide a family with basic needs of food, shelter and clothing. Even though it is adjusted annually, there are too many things that are not taken into consideration. These same thresholds are used throughout the United States as a statistical yardstick. They are not considered a complete description of what families need to live on.

Poverty is more than a statistic or income guidelines, which has little to do with reality. It is what happens when you lose a job, lose a primary breadwinner, lose a house to foreclosure, or get critically ill without health insurance.

I see and experience poverty as a substitute teacher. I don't work every day. However, I could work more than the 4 1/2 days per month if they were available. I work often enough to see students who are experiencing poverty. They qualify for free lunches and breakfasts. Often, you can tell by the condition and type of the clothes and shoes they wear. This may include clothes that are a dingy gray to dirty or threadbare. Students may wear clothes that are the wrong size and don't fit properly. Poverty might show up as a physical factor. However, poverty is often complicated by drug and alcohol abuse or domestic violence.

I see poverty in the food markets and the shopping carts. They are filled with inexpensive highly processed, high carbohydrates, instant food boxes. There are cases of soda and loaves of white squishy bread which contains questionable if any food nutrients. Following along, are overweight and obese children toting boxes of sugar saturated cereal.

Our eating habits have deteriorated along with our waistlines. The size and number of obese shoppers with obese children seem to go up with the increase in the cost of food. There is something wrong with the economy when fresh fruits and vegetables are more expensive than processed boxed foods or McDonald's big Macs for that matter.

I prefer to purchase as many organic foods as possible, but the cost of is becoming more and more prohibitive.

NO KILL ANIMAL SHELTER

March 14, 2012

I finished up training at a local animal shelter: not that I need to learn how to clean out a cat box.  However, I was amazed at the logistics of multiplying one or two cats times over 100.  There is a lot more than just the cat box.  Everything from being able to read the moods of the "stranger" cats to doing the laundry.  The shelter uses gallons of bleach to sanitize.  Some cats will do anything to get your attention -most of it is comical.  The part I like is to provide some TLC to these wonderful creatures.  Even the dogs are rated as to who should handle them.

There was a middle age woman there using a cane, as opposed to a flock of college coeds whom I wondered how many times they cleaned a cat box. I struck up a conservation with the woman.  She was from Scotland and had met a man from the local area online.  She's lived most of her life in a city.  Even after 2-3 years in a rural area she admitted she has had a hard time adjusting.  I sensed she has had a difficult time making new friends.  Well we really hit it off and hung around the shelter just talking.  It seems we both came to the training for the same purpose - to meet new people and to help the animals.  When we left we traded phone numbers.

Living alone with a disability can be deadly.  But meeting new people and making new friends is almost as challenging as the disability itself, especially if you are bit on the shy side.  The message I have for friends and family of those living alone with chronic illness and/or disabilities is to check on them regularly.  As we get older we have a tendency to stay home more and maybe whine more.  But life is what you make of it with whatever cards you have been dealt.  It is better to get off your duff.  Volunteering is a win win for everyone.  Start with a place where you feel comfortable such as a family reunion.  Check out a local church for their outreach programs.  Try the local hospital or senior center.  There are never enough volunteers.  I have found being around people who enjoy the same things I like makes for good medicine (pain, anit-depressant etc.).  On the other hand it is ok to have days where there is too much pain, fatigue or just being over whelmed.

YOGA

January 19, 2012

I have started taking a YOGA class at a local Community College. This would not have been possible without the generosity of some family friends. I originally signed up for a "Stretching Class" which I had taken in the past. However the class got canceled. Hoping I was not too over the hill, YOGA was all I could get into. Then of course I was the oldest person in the class by 15 years or more.

Well I surprised myself. I could still do most of the positions. The class included a lot of breathing techniques. I am going to stay in the class because it has helped me to release a lot of stress even if for a day or two. Another surprise benefit was that YOGA appeared to tighten up my varicose veins. However, an even more important benefit is being able to get out of the house and being around people who enjoy some things you do (even if they are much younger).

Being chronically ill and /or disabled plus living alone can actually make you sicker and more depressed. If you have friends or family who live alone with a chronic illness or disability plus are out of the full time workforce, check on them. Better yet involve them in family activities or just invite them to join you for lunch or coffee or a movie etc.

A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD BUT NO FOOD ON THE TABLE or OIL IN THE FURNANCE

March 3 2012

After a disastrous event, how often have you said or heard someone else say; "At least I have a roof over my head and food on the table", so we will get through it. In our normal daily lives we don't think about not having that roof or food or heat. We take it for granted. What I have learned is these basics necessities are the emotional and physical foundation in our lives. So for the past six months I have felt like small earthquakes have rumbled through my life shaking my foundation.

My prodigal son came through and a heater arrived today. In the midst of this crisis a long term prayer has been answered. My prodigal son and I have been estranged since 2007. He was shocked to hear about my living situation. Now he is starting to talk about what sent him out of my life in the first place. The heater is a tower affair that osculates 180 degrees, has two different settings plus a programmable thermostat and 7 hour timer. It includes a multifunction remote. So far it is working pretty well. I also have a smaller ceramic heater in the kitchen. When I get home from work or get up in the AM, I can turn them on. This way I don't have to run the oil furnace as long to heat up the house or have to drop and run to get wood to get the fire started. All of this is a very temporary fix. For the long term will it save me any money? How much will my electric bill go up? The truth is I would need a heater upstairs during the really cold days of winter or my water pipes might freeze. Heating with wood is hard work and dirty. It has never been my intention to heat solely with wood which is not cheap. A senior citizen who is disabled should not have to worry if they are going to be able to heat their home. It is bad enough to worry about how I will pay for the heat. What else will I have to give up or what repairs will be put off again?

I have had in my mind for a long time to sell my house with 4 bedrooms and buy a small 2 bedroom cottage with a small yard. So maybe this mess will motivate me to get more done. But right now I feel like a shape shifter. It is difficult to focus and pay attention to task of getting rid of stuff.

INFRARED VS CERAMIC PORTABLE HEATERS

February 26, 2012

I have been researching portable heaters. They vary in price from $50 to $300+ but will using one save you money on your heating bill? According to an article "Making Cents of Small Heaters" in This Old House, it depends on the price of fuel in the area, kind of climate, the size of the house, age and efficiency of the furnace and how well the house is insulated. The number of people who live in the home and how they spend their time is also a factor. There is a simple formula that can be used to figure the cost of running a portable heater. Multiply the wattage of the unit by the cost per KWH from the electric company. That number should be on your electric bill. However, I could not find it on mine. That is when you call the electric company.

I picked out four different space heaters and emailed them to my prodigal son. He said he would take care of it. The other back door child who said he would not help unless the other one does called back and said that they would not let me get cold or go hungry. I personally do not see the need for an attitude. It has been in the 20's at night and in the 40's during the day. Heat is a necessary thing.

Infrared heaters include Duraflame, Edenpure, Amish heaters and others. The prodigal son wants to check out specifications. I had to go on line for this information. The smaller units' heat up to 600 Sq. ft and the larger units up to 1,000 sq. ft.. Watts used is dollars spent on heat. The heat output is measured in terms of BTUs just like a regular furnace. These portable heaters range from 3,400 BTU to 5,500 BTU. Compare that to your furnace. Some of these heaters have a blower rated as air flow such as 50 cfm or 50 cubic feet per minute. These heaters are also known as radiant heaters and heat people or things.

Ceramic heaters are also known as convection heaters which warm the air. These feature temperature controls that can adjust the heat to maintain an even temperature in a room. These can be fan-less or have a fan. These include Pelonis Sate-T-Furnace, Lasko Ceramic Tower heater, or the fan less radiator-type heater which are oil or water filled. For more information try these links;

    http://www.thisoldhouse.com/toh/article

    http://bestspaceheatersinfo.com

http://www.electricfireplacesdirect.com/powerheat

www.realsimple.com best space heaters

Family: Friends or Foe?

February 25, 2012

I knew I could not solve the heat problem alone and would have to ask for help. Begging is not something that comes easily for me. However, how your family sees you and your illness can have a huge impact on the quality of your life. I have not seen one adult child in over four years even though they live nearby. Another adult child has been trying to exit out the back door of my life for the last couple of years. This one has my only grandchild. I have gotten some help from this one over the years. However, he does not try to understand the complexities of invisible chronic illnesses and chronic pain. I've actually been called a drug addict. Neither one of them understands or knows how to deal with the ups and downs of energy levels. What really frustrates me is when one of them wants to tell me what I should and should not do about my struggles with these illnesses. I have even been told I ought to go into a nursing home! Yet they will not even make an attempt to read books, check out reliable we sites about them or attend a local support group.

Now an oil company has put me in a position of having to go to my children and ask "beg" for help. I believe they should both help. They have good jobs. I asked them how long they were going to hang onto their bitterness and anger. After all I raised them as a single parent. I was the one at their sports events and other school activities etc. When I told them I could not get any more oil and would have to find a place to stay until the end of the heating season, one was shocked and the other's reaction was more anger and finger pointing. My only solution at this time is to buy an infrared quartz space heater to help heat the downstairs along with the wood stove. I hope I can save enough fuel oil in the tank to at least heat the house in the morning since I turn the heat down to 62 degrees at night.

Number Crunching Gets Smashed

February 21, 2012

When my stress and anxiety levels go into high speed my ability to do math almost evaporates. I struggle to even add and subtract. Now I have to add another $100 or more into my budget that does not break even. It is difficult to make a budget when your income changes weekly. I really haven't gotten a chance to celebrate getting my garage studio rented to a young couple, after five months of it being vacant. Now it felt like I was not going to recover and get caught up on other bills and repairs. I felt like the rug was slipping from under me with a large looming hole under the rug. Over the last six months I have seen all my hard work to rebuild a credit rating after having gone through bankruptcy slipping through my fingers.

When this level of crisis comes into my life, I first cry and feel sorry for myself. Next I get angry. Then I go to work. I do my homework to find out what are my resources. I have felt for a long time that putting my budget on a spread sheet might reduce my anxiety about money or make it worse. I just never seemed to find the time or energy. It has been a long time since I used a spread sheet. I certainly don't have funds to purchase home budget software.

I found a template in Microsoft Works under "Home & Money": Financial Worksheets-monthly "Home Budget" which is a simple, easy to use spreadsheet. It can also be edited to my personal budget lines. I was proud of myself for getting it set up. Plus there is research that learning new and challenging things may help to prevent Alzheimer. The spread sheet will defiantly help during times of stress by just crunching the numbers. It was no surprise to me to see how I'm always coming up short. Are there any lines that can be eliminated? Heat is not one of them.

DISABLED SENIOR DENIED HEATING OIL

February 20, 2012
Last Wednesday, I got a call from the oil company announcing that they were going to raise the monthly payment plan from $71 per month to $250. I was dumbfounded. I replied that less than a month ago my account was in good standing. Now I'm being told if I didn't pay $250 a month my account would go into collections and I'd be taken off the even payment plan.
In addition, I could not get any more oil until the whole account was paid off. So I stammered that I had less than 3/8 tank left. I would need more oil in less than a month. Why had this happened? I felt like I could not breathe. I wanted to scream. I tried to tell them about my hands turning white and getting numb when the temperature got below 68 degrees. I told the oil company I am already heating at least half the time with a wood stove. Heating with wood is hard work and physically I could not do it as the only source of heat. The oil company made me feeling like I was somehow irresponsible. Yes I had paid my bill late a few times but I thought I was caught up. Now they gave me only a few days to tell them what I was going to pay. I was waiting to hear about my energy assistance application. By now I was getting angry. I had tried to be very frugal by only ordering a minimum delivery which costs close to $500 for 125 gallons. Fuel oil is more expensive than gasoline. However, the price per gallon has not fluctuated much since last fall. Last year my payment plan was $150 per month. I use about the same amount each year. Each year I have tried to set the thermostat lower and lower. So all of a sudden I am now going to be homeless even though I actually have a home. On top of this I am almost out of wood. Bottom line, low income families can no longer afford to heat their homes with fuel oil. There is a real problem here!

Blue Elephant- Sjorgen's Syndrome

February 11, 2012
I use to read a children's book to my kids about the Blue Elephant in the Bathtub. A little boy kept telling his parents about his very large blue friend. His parents could not see the elephant so they told him it was not real. For the little boy the blue elephant was very real indeed.
This is how I view my chronic health issues. A lot of people do not even know I am on disability or have chronic illnesses. It is all invisible unless a person is around me for a day or two. In a lot of ways I like it this way. I am not treated any differently and I feel "normal". On the other hand, I lost a job over my "blue elephant". I had been getting informal accommodation until there was a big change in personal. More details in the future. However, it ended up in an EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission) lawsuit in violation of ADA (Americans Disability Act).
I have had an autoimmune disorder since I was a teen but did not know it. I only remember hanging out with my friends at the "Hot Shoppes". They would eat the burger and fries followed by a drink. I had to drink some soda after each bite.
After college I had to stop wearing contacts because there was so much sand and grit in my eyes. In the 1980's a dentist diagnosed me with "Sicca syndrome" or dry mouth and eyes.
NIH (National Institute of Health)
The dentist recommended me to a study at NIH. I helped to develop a medication for dry mouth problems. It was a really good experience. I learned about what was going on in my body and was treated with acceptance. I didn't feel so much like a freak. Even today Sjorgren's syndrome (SS) is considered "one of those unusual diseases". In Sjorgren's the body attacks itself, especially the salivary glands and tear ducts. Sjogrens is a systemic disease that can affect many organs of the body including the lung and the kidneys.


No More Spices Please
For me it has caused problems and money related to my dry mouth. My salivary glands are impacted with white blood cells. I've spent enough dollars on dental work to purchase a car or even a house. In the end I lost all of my teeth. Sjogrens teaches you the value of salvia. There are many foods I simply cannot eat: hot wings, most spices, barbeque sauces, crackers, popcorn, soft and hard bread and lots of meats unless covered in gravy. Even peanut butter can get stuck in my throat. I eat a lot of fruit and soft foods. I have to read the labels carefully for the spices. I generally have to make my food from scratch eating small portions because it takes so long to chew food and to keep from choking when I swallow the food.
However, I have no problems eating ice cream. I use to weigh 200 lbs. on a 5'3" frame – a bit roly- poly. Then a swallowing disorder kept me on an almost liquid diet for 9 months. I lost 65 lbs. However, I do not recommend this as a way to diet. It only takes a couple of terrifying chocking episodes to realize this.
In the scheme of things Sjogrens has been a nuisance for me. I use the medication "Salagen" I helped to develop. I also carry a water bottle with me at all times – even in church. I guess I won't have to worry about drooling in my advanced years.
So how did I actually get on this ride? According to researchers I worked with at NIH there is evidence to suggest that viruses play a role especially the Epstein Barr virus (EBV). It is a member of the herpes family. Mononucleosis is a severe form of EBV. In the sixth grade I was seriously ill with "mono" the first four months of school. This may have set me up to be a recipient of Sjogrens. My "Blue Elephant" has a friend "Ray" or Raynauds. Meet him in an upcoming blog.
RESOURCES
The Sjogrens Syndrome Handbook from the Sjogren's Syndrome Foundation, 6707 Democracy Blvd., Suite 325 Bethesda, MD 20817. Toll free Number: 1-800-475-6473 http://www.sjogrens.org
Sjogren 's syndrome –Mayoclinic.com

WebMD, Arthritis Health Center Community TV http://www.webmd.com/rheumatoid-arthritis/arthritis-sjogrens

PACKING UP THE CHRISTMAS TREE

February 3 2012

Yes I just finished packing up the artificial Christmas tree. I am not one to put up our tree by December 1. My parents didn't put up the tree until Christmas Eve – after we children went to bed. As we got older we got to go help pick out a tree. Typically it was decorated close to Christmas Eve. This way the magic, beauty and wonder of the tree had the highest impact and you weren't bored of it. It was close to 12^th Night or the 12 days after Christmas before the tree came down.

In more recent years I have kept the tree up for the month of short dreary days with little sunlight. The kids are grown and gone and the grandchildren live too far out of town. I find keeping the tree up is a way to jump start early spring and out of SADD.

LET THERE BE LIGHT

• I now use Phillip's Wake-Up light. Check it out http://sadtherapylamps.com/phillips
  
• Or some others to look up: SunBox Company www.sunbox.com or
  
• Bio-Brite www.biobrite.com for sunrise clocks and light boxes.
  
• National Organization for Seasonal Affective Disorder (NOSAD)
  

A NEW TIRE

January 28, 2012

I am in the waiting room of a local tire place. I had let my inspection sticker expire over the holidays – just did not notice. This past week I got my 1997 Toyota Tercel inspected. With 170,000 miles on the car it is getting to the point of inspection anxiety. It past. Yeah, but with a warning about a rear tire and not enough tread for good traction in the snow.

There was a time in the past that car maintenance was routine. You did not buy one new tire at a time but four new ones. I was a bit surprised that the inspector did not say anything about the muffler. It makes that hot rod noise. So a new muffler along with a new door handle is on my list of negative dollars. The muffler is on the border between hot rod sound and siren sound. So which cost more the ticket or the muffler? The lack of car maintenance is routine for many low income people. My list of negative dollars grows and includes an oil leak.

It is not just car maintenance, if you even own a car, that is a problem but home maintenance too. 40% of low income families own a home. My home was part of a divorce settlement when my children were little. It still needed a lot of work back then. There were a few growth spurts. In the last 5 years it has been mostly backslides. You know things are getting bad when you can't get the last emergency repair bill paid before you have several more in a row. My washing machine has not drained properly for almost a year. A friend put my snake down the drain pipe and it didn't help much. Now it is time to call the power eel guys. Last spring my roof started leaking in the family room. It was so bad I could not get the five gallon buckets emptied fast enough. Fortunately it was a simple fix for now. I had to tear out several rows of wet ceiling tile and insulation. I had planned to have it fixed before winter. Then the water heater crashed and I had a flue fire. Get the picture!

TRANSFORMATION

Found a local no kill animal shelter. I went over there this weekend to check it out and to ask about volunteering. There were cats everywhere: big ones, little ones, timid ones and meow scratch my ears friendly ones. There was a couple that looked like Mr. Pink Nose. I filled out a volunteer application and was told someone would call me. I did not get to see much of the dogs. I signed up to walk the dogs and pet the cats a couple of times a month. I think I can handle that.

Before I get another dog I will try Animal Foster Parenting first. Out of five animal pets I had I'm down to one kitty. I was ready to downsize my pet family by not replacing a pet that died. I did not expect to lose two in a row though. My last cat is a senior female who is a sandy brown tabby. She has large green eyes and looong whiskers. Because she is not very big her whiskers hang down like a handle bar mustache. Someone dropped her off in a church parking lot next door one very cold November night. I heard this cry like a small child but could not see anything. I went back to the house to get the flashlight. Now the cry sounded like a Bobcat. After seeing the large green eyes I was afraid it would come out and attack me. Instead there was a little kitten that was shivering. I picked her up and put her in my coat and brought her home. That was about 15 years ago.

We always called her the autistic cat because she could not really socialize with the other animals or even the people. She just stayed in my office. Sometimes she sat on a bookshelf to look out the window. She didn't even purr or like to be held except when I worked at my computer.

I was really missing my other animals. I wished this little kitten would be more affectionate. The most amazing things started to happen. I came home from work and found kitty sleeping on the living room sofa. Next thing I knew she was coming to the door to greet me when I got home and when I came downstairs in the morning. She began to spend less time in my office. Sometimes I'd catch her sleeping on a bolster pillow on top of the sofa where Mr. Pink Nose slept.

One evening Little Kitten came over and got in my lap and started purring. Here she was taking on all the behaviors of the cat that had died. It was as if the spirit of Mr. Pink Nose had returned and become part of my last remaining animal at a time when I was really feeling the loss of two special pals. By doing this I felt comforted and knew Mr. Pink Nose was ok and that I would be also. I felt like I had experienced grace in this transformation,

 

January 16,2012

FOOD STAMPS
 They are not called "food stamps" any more in most states.  No more play money. What you get now is a SNAP  card (supplemental nutrition assistance program) that looks like a credit card.  This is to reduce the "shame" of using it-telling people that you are poor and do not have money for food. You should be able to apply on line and the income limits diff per state by as much as $400 (estimate).  However in my state I still have to go into the Social Services Office for an Interview.

Finally after assorted problems with my EBT card I was able to use it this past weekend now that I have three months of benefits for a total of $44 (all 3 months worth).  This is when I wonder was this really worth the six pages online application, the 4 pages of check of rights and responsibilities plus the 30 mile round trip to welfare office for an interview?

I had applied several times. The first time was last July on line. The directions said I would be notified for an interview.  I had to send in a signature page.  By painful experience I usually mail stuff that is IMPORTANT with a tracking number and sometimes requiring a signature.  So I didn't and the signature page got lost. And contrary to what was said in the directions they no longer set appointments for food stamps.

Then I started substitute teaching and figured I would be making too much money.  Well I didn't so I kept waiting until October. Even if you seem to be above the income limits, apply anyway if you are within $200-400 over.  They do deduct things like a standard deduction, medical expense deduction, support payments, shelter and utility deduction which is a joke. Mine was $297.  That does not even cover my mortgage.  There is also a limit on your assets.  Not the ones in the seat of your pants.   Assets that are counted are vehicle if you have more than one, liquid assets such as cash, savings and IRA, stocks & bonds etc.  Your liquor cabinet is safe. Again each state varies but $2,000 is average limit one person and if a senior or disabled $3,000. As you follow along on my journey and lessons learned you will see how our "welfare system" can keep you in poverty. Assets that count also include  burial plot if you have more than one, real property like a summer camp, things like boats, three wheelers - you get the picture.

AARP has a Benefits QuickLINK website (www.aarp.org/quicklink) to find out if you qualify for benefits for programs in your state.  Can print out applications

COMPANION ANIMALS PART II

December 16, 201

Did I get sidetracked? I mentioned losing two companion animals. My reality gets hard to live with sometimes.

The Flame Goes Out

Who names a dog Flame? My son wanted to know. Well, when you have a Dalmatian mix dog, an EMT would. At one point I rented out a room to help with expenses. You'd be surprised at who will rent a room and some of them if you'd love not meet. More on this in future blogs. One of these roomers was a young woman – an EMT. She saw an ad in the paper for a lost dog. Please, please, I'll take good care of him, just like my own kids. I gave in. Soon after that she lost her job. She had named him Flame. It didn't take long before she could not pay the rent and had to move out without the dog. Flame and I quickly bonded. At first, I kept them in the garage as I had my son's part chow with me as well as 3 cats. With chronic illnesses and living alone, I was often too tired to take the dogs for a walk or fix dinner for myself.

 

Drug Bust

My son's dog died from cancer. Not long after that, some drug addict busted my living room window out in the middle of the night. I managed to get to the garage door and let in Flame. He promptly planted himself in front of the window on the sofa. When I told the man I was calling the police. He split. This is when flame earned a sacred place on the living room sofa and in my heart (most of the time). As he matured, he settled down into the dog that lives at my feet on the rug, yet who could also intimidate any stranger. He was my bud challenging me to longer walks and making me feel safe in a big old house.

He was an exceptionally beautiful dog who carried himself as if he were royalty instead of a mixture. On our walks, everyone had to stop and pay him compliments, while I had to keep him from taking a nip out of their dogs.

 

Honey I'm Home

Flame would wag his tail so enthusiastically that his whole body would move too. He always greeted me at the door when I came home doing a two-step dance routine. He and Mr. Pink Nose cat would follow me around the house until I came to sit on the sofa. Then they would compete to see who got to sit in my lap-70 pounds of dog or 10 pounds of cat, so we compromised, dog paws and cat paws and chest.

A Flame Goes Out

It was a Thursday evening and I called my son to tell him about Mr. Pink Nose dying. After supper and dishes, I got Flame's leash to let him out. I had to be up early the next morning. The dog had a hard time getting his back legs under him to stand up. He had been fine and showed no signs of illness at all. I thought he was getting some arthritis. We got outside and he dropped his head down and could hardly walk stiff legged halfway around the house. Usually he is dragging me. Well we got into the house. He collapsed. He could not get up enough to get into the kitchen from the living room. I had to drag him on a rug. All of a sudden time was spiraling out of control. My brain would not compute. What was happening? Flames feet were freezing. He no longer connected with me. He started to breathe heavily and his gums turned pale pink, all in the matter of 10 min. I felt so helpless. It was 10 PM, and I couldn't even lift him into my car. By morning, he was gone. I cursed at God. Losing one companion animal was tough enough, but two in a row? Those guys help make life bearable on many, many days. I have lost many animals. But the pain never gets any less. The following day I had a deceased 70 pound animal in my living room. I canceled out of a substitute job. I had no plans for burying him, but I found a lot of kind and compassionate people who helped me including one of the angels in T-shirts. He came over and let me cry on his shoulder.

 

 

 

 

COMPANION ANIMALS

December 15, 2012

It has been almost two months since I lost two wonderful companion animals. One was an elder cat whom I had for 17 years. He was white and dark tabby with a large heart spot on his side and a very pink nose. He always knew when I needed a hug or a snuggle when I was too sick to get out of bed. He was simply a lover boy.

I went out of town in August to visit family. Shortly after I came back kitty became less and less interested in eating. The pet sitter said he was eating fine while I was gone.

 

Rising Cost of Healthcare.

I thought kitty might have worms and called the local vet to ask what the office visit would cost. I was told that their standard procedure was to do blood work and testing, and expect to pay up to $200 up front. I knew that Kitty would not enter the hallowed halls of this vet's metal exam tables. I responded that I did not want blood work and tests. I thought the cat had worms and what would be the cost. I asked about paying half up front and half in 30 days. The gatekeeper said they no longer did this. After some more non-sensible robotic language the phone call ended.

After going through the phone directory and talking to friends, I realized that veterinary care of my companion animals was out of reach for me. What happened to the vet, who went to a veterinarian school and could look at an animal and feels his glands and organs and look at his mouth and give a diagnosis? Seems too many vets have turned into money mongers vs. taking care of a sick animal. No such thing as a sliding fee scale, either. Too bad tough luck if you are out of work or unable to work due to disability. No matter that your cat has stopped eating. Do you know that you should seek a vet if a pet has gone more than three days without eating?

 

The Vet Blessing

I finally found a Vet through friends at my church. He turned out to be a real blessing. When I made an appointment, I asked what the cost of an office visit plus worming would be. By now $75 seemed a lot less than $200. Then my kitty had an excruciating painful heart attack right on the exam table. The vet tech whisked him off to the ER to put him on oxygen and give him a shot for pain. With tears rolling down my face, I'm asking how much is this ER treatment costing. At the same time, I would have to realize my buddy is going to die and is in a lot of pain. The vet's responses were your kitty needs you right now and stop worrying about the cost. Thanks for a Vet which allowed me to get to and in what really mattered in my here and now.

 

End of a Love Affair

It seems worrying about what it is going to cost is about all I have done for the past 7 months. I was not really focused on how my animals were feeling, and doing. Yes, I provided the food and water and scratched their ears, but I had become almost mechanical about it. For the past one and a half years I have been obsessed about having to make money and beating my head against the wall. I was not really focused on how my animals were feeling and doing.

Now a veterinarian was asking me if I wanted him to put Mr. Lover Boy to sleep. Stammering, I tried to hold in the sobs. I asked if there were any other choices. I just could not let go. The Vet said yes there were two more choices. One was to put the cat in the hospital with IV's and oxygen, etc. taking weeks to recover.

What would be the quality of his life? I asked. No guarantees. The cat might live a few more days or weeks or even months. It would be big bucks. So what is option number 3? Pawspospice came the reply. I looked at him with a grin on his face, thinking, okay, this is a joke. I am not getting it. Then I had to laugh-Hospice for pets. As long as Kitty wouldn't suffer, I said. Mr. Pink Nose was wrapped up in a blanket with hot water bottles. I was given several needleless syringes to administer a pain killer/ anti-anxiety medicine every 6 hours. Now I could help this beloved friend let go by letting go myself and telling him I will be okay. His life on earth was complete.

I took him home and held him all evening while the dog and my other cat said their goodbyes. Sweet kitty came around one last time to give me his sign. He head butted my hand, saying he loved me. Later that night he passed on to the Rainbow Bridge, peacefully. I must've cried for several weeks. But I was also angry that someone living in poverty is being denied access to proper veterinary care for their animals. The Vet said if he had gotten Kitty even two weeks earlier, he could have helped him.

ANGELS WEAR TEE- SHIRTS

October 5, 2011

In the middle of the entire crisis with my cat, a long-term rumor border moved out of a small apartment over my garage on September 1. He helped out with some household expenses, mowed a big yard and helped carry in the dog food sometimes. The presence of a strapping young man gave a sense of security to this disabled senior who lives alone. But alas, I could not deny him what most of us yearn for – someone to love and love us in return. In short, he fell in love.

As I checked out the apartment, I found that my propane furnace had not been working properly. There was soot on the ceilings, the windows and the kitchen cabinets. The whole apartment had to be painted. Then the hot water tank crashed. Even with his deposit the costs were piling up along with the hours to get the studio ready to rent.

Enter a couple of the angels, real answers to my prayers. Let us know what we can do to help. They said. So after work he and his wife would come by several times a week to paint and clean. I was thankful for this and all their help, but blessed with their new friendship. Plus, this couple is raising their 3 small grandchildren. Actually, they told me helping other people, was giving them excuse to get a break from chasing 3 small children around.

 

GIFTS

December 8, 2011
 As I flip through the catalogs for the 5th time I cross one item after another of my wish list of presents for my family. I will let go of my anxiety and worry about how I am going to pay for Christmas. No matter how well we prepare for the days ahead of us there is no guarantee. I try to find something, no matter how small, to be thankful for every day. Today is full of sunshine, and I hear the birds chirping at my window, letting me know that they have inhaled all the seed. This past week I was able to take some old gold rings to a jeweler and got some money for Christmas. Hallelujah! My fears and anxiety used to run my life. I still have to work at letting go during these holiday seasons like Christmas. I am hoping to sit down this evening and order a few gifts.

DARK DAYS AND LITTLE DOORS

December 4

ADVENT: This is the four weeks before Christmas devoted to the preparation of the "Feast of the Nativity" or Christmas is celebrated.

This is already the 2nd Sunday in Advent. I never seem to be ready on time. Growing up my mother always had a beautiful Advent calendar ready for us children. It was covered with sparkles and little doors. We took turns opening the doors to find beautiful pictures of animals, winter scenes and all the symbols of the coming of Christ. Today Advent calendars also come with little gifts. I think I still have some Advent calendars that never got open by my kids because I was not ready on time.

So this Sunday, we had the Bishop gave the sermon. He really struck home. He talked about the dark days of Advent. It is almost dark by the time we get home. Frankly, I strongly dislike this time of year. Even though I have some Scrooge tendencies, my attitude stems from way too many years of struggles living at the lower ends of low income. Well, the Bishop has helped me to see this Advent (Christmas) season in a new light. This dark season is a time to prepare as best we can. But we still can never really know what is ahead of us. Yet we journey out into the unknown times of our lives. The Bishop shared the story of his brother, loading up his car with his wife, children and his new college degree. They left the mountains and stars of West Virginia, full of hope and dreams into their future - 3000 miles away in Seattle, Washington. Ten years later, his wife had died from a debilitating illness.

This sounded so much like my life story. After 14 years of marriage, I went through a divorce and on to raise two young children by myself. I went back to school to get an MBA. With my new degree, I charged into the work force full of excitement, hopes and dreams of a better life for my family. Five years later, I became seriously ill and had to stop working.

 

WINTER BLUES

The Bishop said each day of Advent season is one less day of darkness as we move towards why we have Christmas and Hanukkah. Jesus was born into the world as a symbol of light and hope. I'm sure there are lots of people who like me could use a heavy dose of light and hope. Then there are those, who like me would prefer to spend winter in a cave or on the sofa in front of a nice fire. This is what is known as SAD or "Seasonal Affective Disorder". Do long dark days and cold-weather leave you feeling depressed or wanting to sleep all the time? You may want to talk to your doctor if you experience any of the following;

• crave carbohydrates
  
• gain weight
  
• feel lethargic
  
• Loss of interest in normal activities from November to March or April.
  

I call myself the sunshine girl. I feel better and have loads more energy in the spring, summer and fall- until the days get shorter. My primary care provider suggested leaving all the lights on in the rooms where I spend a lot of time. The small increase in the electric bill is cheaper than the purchase of a light box. This works for me. I can't afford a light box when I'm struggling to keep the electric on. In addition, I take advantage of sunny days and go outside for some winter sun bathing.

 

WAKE-UP CALLS

My struggles with SAD cause problems when I have to get up at 5:15 AM for work. Then three alarms barely wake me up. It takes two hours to get ready for work. Then I have to stay awake as I am on call from 5 AM to 10 AM. Plus, I have to stay awake driving to work. The benefit of being a substitute teacher is the students usually do an excellent job of keeping you awake or making a fool of you.

So the best thing I have found to date to help me wake up on these dark mornings is a wake-up light. I now wake to gradually increasing light plus several choices of sounds. The steady rise of light intensity allows your body to naturally awaken. I am amazed how much better I feel. Waking to just an alarm makes me feels like someone yanked me out of bed and slammed me into the bedroom wall.

LET THERE BE LIGHT

• I now use Phillip's Wake-Up light. Check it out http://sadtherapylamps.com/phillips
  
• Or some others to look up: SunBox Company www.sunbox.com or
  
• Bio-Brite www.biobrite.com for sunrise clocks and light boxes.
  

 

 

 

 

November 25, 201

This is a new blog about the journey of one person into poverty and how she survived and what she learned. How debilitating illnesses stole almost ten years of her life. This is a journey of moving through stormy seas and learning to find peaceful islands along the way.

No MBA does not stand for my initials, but rather a business degree- Master of Business Administration. Matter of fact I have three college degrees. This journey into poverty didn’t just start with the current economic events. In this blog you will read about current struggles, as well as background events or how did I get into this mess in the first place.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving has past.  It’s been a long time since I had to fix a turkey, let alone a whole Thanksgiving Dinner.  I am an extended “family” member of close friends.  We all eat potluck.  The abundance of food overloaded the table as well as our stomachs.  I am thankful for this family of friends.  I do miss getting into the fridge for leftovers after dinner. It is at this time that the men start talking hunting and the ladies talk shopping as in “Black Friday”.  Never have done “Black Friday” shopping and hope I never will.  But what I miss is the excitement of looking through all the sales notices and catalogs and making my list for Christmas.  By this time in the past I would have had half of the shopping done.

I have not  figured out where I am going to get money for Christmas gifts for my granddaughter, daughter and son-in-law.  I’d like to give a small gift to a few close friends who have helped me in far greater ways than I will ever be able to repay them.

Going to Work Hungry

During the last four months by the last week of the month I have had to choose between money for food and money for gas to get to medical appointments and my part-time job.  It has been almost 20 years since I’ve worried about having enough food to eat.  So I eat less and drive less.

Keeping the Lights On

Things are getting a little better.  I am picking up more substitute teaching jobs.  However I am still only getting about half of my bills paid on time.  Instead of rolling blackouts I have rolling bill paying - hoping to stay ahead of any blackouts this winter.  To keep my utilities from being disconnected, I keep the utility company updated on my situation. Thankfully I do have a long history of paying these bills on time.  The electric company told me not to get more than 2 months behind or I could face a shutoff.  Right now I am one month behind.  Luckily I qualify for a winter time electric 20% discount program.