The Rainbow Bridge

The Rainbow Bridge
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Saturday, December 1, 2012

IS YOUR ADULT CHILD ESTRANGED OR JUST STRANGE?

August 25, 2012

When Rudeness Turns into Parental Abuse

Make sure your family understands your Health Care Proxy instructions as to who will make decisions and when. Things went from bad to worse. I had to go to the case worker and ask for an intervention. My son was using the telephone to harass me. If I hung up on him then I was called childish etc. So I simply stopped answering the phone.

By the third day in rehab I was being pressed by my son to get out of the place. He said I didn't belong there. The day before he had told me to make a list of things I needed and he would bring them to me. Then my son determined I did not have migraine associated vertigo but a virus. Since my grandchild was better I should be better. He told me I just wanted to stay in the Rehab center and have someone take care of me.

At this time I was still unstable and using a walker to get around. I told my son that I needed to be able to maneuver around two airports and on a plane. Then I needed to make arrangements for my brother and a friend to get me and my car home safely.

When my son couldn't convince me to check myself out a week early, he started to call the case manager repeatedly and demanded I be discharged. He demanded documentation as to why I was still in the rehab center.

About four years ago I had a Medical Power of Attorney done and made this son my health care proxy to make medical decisions on my behalf if I were unable to do so. At the time I questioned my son about our differences in life style and how we view chronic illnesses and diseases and the treatments. His opposition to narcotic pain meds etc. He assured me that he would not go against my wishes. "He knew where I stood" and would endeavor to make decisions like I would. Before this turmoil was over he requested his name be removed from the Medical Power of Attorney. I quickly agreed. I learned that when it comes to Medical decisions about care and treatments only the attending physician can invoke a Health Care Proxy. Otherwise care and treatment options are between the Physician and Patient. When the Rehab center invoked the HIPPA Act for me my son really got pissed off. I have yet to figure out what the real issue was about.

Initially my son was going to cover the cost of a new plane ticket. In addition, I depended on him to take me to the airport. It was pretty awful and sad at the same time to hear my almost forty year old son have a meltdown in the form of a temper tantrum. He told me not to ask for any more money and to find my own way to the airport. It didn't end there. My clothes and suitcases were going to be put out on the street corner. I called him a jerk (I was being nice). I also gave him a wake-up call that his behavior and treatment of me could be construed as elder abuse. He told me that he knows what abuse is for his job and that he was not abusing me. Talk about denial, denial, denial. I grieve for this child of mine who has become a complete stranger to me. On the other hand I'm so angry that if he was other than my child I would never speak to him again.

I had already been in touch with my younger son. He was very concerned about both of us. He feels his brother needs professional help. He told me he would make sure I got home safely and let him know an address to wire money to if I needed it. I was able to borrow a lap top from the Rehab center to use in my room so i could research different flights and costs. I contacted my Credit Union and I was able to get an increase in my credit limit to cover travel expenses home. Next I contacted my brother about picking me up at the airport. I also contacted my parish nurse to get a shower chair and a walker to use at home. She also contacted a church member to put a railing up in my stairwell to get to my bedroom.

All my clothes were dropped off at the Rehab Center without notification from my son on his way to a family camping trip. He never came into see me. On Monday when he returned he called. I told him I could not get a flight home until Wednesday afternoon but was to be discharged on Tuesday. My son told me I could not stay at his house with a cane. HE did agree to take me to the airport as long as we did not discuss anything about our "rift" in front of my granddaughter. The Rehab Center said my insurance would cover another day in Rehab. I just wanted to get home. The relaxing week spent at the beach being with my granddaughter came completely undone by my son's over the top treatment of me. As a result I felt like ground up hamburger. I am actually writing this in the middle of October and he has yet to apologize to me.